Out of here

Next Tuesday, I leave LA

I'm coming back to Seattle for good.

I just hate hate hate it here!

Maybe for various reasons but fuck it, it is just no good.

The school is just a name and I'm just a ###-###-###

My roommates are... the same all the rest of those around me.

I'm a sick one, been in bed for weeks. 

Just giving up really.

Less than a week until I'm moved out. 

In between that 6 days, I'll be going to Seattle Friday-Monday

Today I have to pretty much drop out of the school.

Thursday Final

Friday Final

Seattle

Tuesday Final

San Diego I go

No work this winter sadly. Boss just emailed everyone is getting cut.

Even him!

Now I'm in the search to find a home for us in Seattle

What is another site other than Craigslist?

I did some more LA Weekly things.

I just gmail chatted with the editor. 

Now she is waiting for my W9 Forms to get in before I get another assignment

Too bad I didn't tell her, by the time the forms come

I'll be gone!

Where the fuck am I going to work in Seattle? (photoing photo photootoo)

Shit.

Nothing that is studio work. Ahhh, impossible with my personality. 

How do I tell my little roommates I'm moving out?

I'm going to start packing...maybe they'll get the picture.

A new chapter... gagger

Can't help but love this photo.

Pretty cute and very happy.

Today was a big day for us.

Otherwise, to note in Los Angeles, 

just doing some LA Weekly gigs.

Emailed Seattle Weekly today to ask to work with them in the summer.

I hope it is a HUGE yeah

One roommate plays with boys

the other said, " If I didn't get into UCLA, 

I would have gone to beauty school."

Yes, I live in a triple again.

Yes, I feel like I'm a freshman.

Yes, I'm as lame as one too.

I photograph some burlesque this weekend.

Mmmhm, sexy butt flossing with panty hoes in my camera lens.

Otherwise, I've  been hoping to get off campus as much as possible.

I ask people I hardly know from high school years/few times I met in Seattle

to sleep on their couches.

I sleep on the top bunk.

I'm going to fall off it again.

I eat a lot of pizza/quesadillas/pad thai/boba/veggie burgers

but I have to walk at least 30mins to class a day.

30 mins to walk back.

Plenty of stairs and hills

and it is fucking hot still

This week it was about 80 degrees

There was also a huge fire near by in Santa Barbara.

The sky was orange.

But the best drink so far=

Sailor Jerry's with cherry cola.

I had it with some greasers when they were showing off their hot rods

mmm

Thanks a ton Venice Devil's Car Club

but once Jose tried to be kissy, 

that was the end of that fun.

Damn

Paz

FOOTBALL WEEKEND

Just got done playing football with my floor team. 

It was the last game and we really needed to win for the playoffs...

we killed those bitches!

There was only 6 of us vs 11 of them!

They had to finish the game since we were winning by too much (25+ over a team ends a game)

We're in the playoffs and I'm stoked.

Why? 

Because it feels like the only thing I am part of here and that I'm able to be myself.

I'm trying to be part of things though!

I applied to the newspaper..didn't get hired.

Got a job with LA Weekly... haven't really got any work

Applied to the library... haven't gotten word back about a job

Walked into the radiostation...they said sure I can have a spot without even applying but I didn't get an email yet of when to come in

Sent in some Icecreamman.com requests for shows...haven't gotten any yet

I even sent them photos/a review of the Stan Rigdway show and no response! Only response I got was from Lucas! Which is all good but daaaamn.

I got a B on my midterm in Art History and a B on the paper. Good. I'm reading and Bs are always great with me. If I could get Bs my whole time here, I'd be soooo happy!

A's are nice and a C anywhere just kinda sucks.

My schedule next quarter might make me good nuts: Ceramics, Advanced Photography, Study of Language, and Art History B.....doesn't seem bad but those art class are twice a week for 4 hours each class! That means each week, 16 hours of studio art classes! 4 hours of art history and 5 of life science. EWWWWW

And this is pretty much my schedule until I graduate! GAG

Currently, this is my favorite song 

Did the link go through?

Madness- My Girl

Maybe I'll get into older ska? Nah but it is a good song/their other songs are damn good too.

Last week was Halloween. Sad how different everything is just 7 days ago. I had Lucas here, Daniela, Danielle, Matt, Beniah, and Karina ...all of us getting ready to go to HARD fest. Drinking, having a good time. We attempted to sneak in through a construction site. Lots of jumping and getting lost all night. I was a Christmas tree with lights and al. Lucas was the boy from Where the Wild Things Are. Daniela was a dragon, Matt an egyption, Karina a Star Wars Ewok, Beniah dressed as a girl in my clothes, and Danielle my roommate as Bubbles from the Powerful Girls (she meant to be Alice but she was Bubbles ...easy)

Beniah and Danielle tried to get in, got kicked out and made out for the rest of the night on the streets.

Karina and I ran through doors to get in and left Lucas. :( I texted him with someones phone and met up. We danced to BOYZ NOIZE (sp?) and almost got kicked out for shadow kissing on the upstairs. HARD ended at 4am and thats ...Halloween.

Oh, before we go there, we were walking to Matt's car next to frat row...Lucas jumped on a car that came too far in the cross walk we were walking in...so he jumped on the hood of the car. 5 frat boys ran out of their car and chased him down. I blocked one with my football skills. Scary because we were drunk (but Lucas) and didn't know what was happening. I wanted to steal the car but instead, I ran with my fists after the guy chasing Lucas. I was much slower when I was wrapped in Christmas lights and tipsy. Oh well. Lucas was fine. Frats suck.

We went to San Diego and went disc golfing in Balboa Park :)

Anyway, time to get ready for comedy tonight and Simone's deceased grandma's house for an abandon get together. Hmm..

Some good news!

Has been a bit since some good news:

I'm going to be 'working' with LA Weekly!

Online stuff of course for now...but they are going to pay me!

Money for photography?

Wow

Even a few bucks is more than I had in mind.

This weekend was way weird.

When I went home on Saturday, I got picked up by Kayla

to go to the San Diego Asian Film Festival ...afterparty.

Drinking with directors, actors, filmmakers up the ass...

and all I could think was this:

"I'm not asian."

I'm not even into asian things like Kayla is...

it was hard to be there.

It was the after party of their formal awards ceremony gala 

and everyone was dressed in gowns and tuxedos 

...drinking beer and singing karaoke in a hotel events room.

We left and went to a Korean Folk Village for a more private karaoke time.

I ate squid jerky with peanuts in hot sauce.

WTF

I drank too much Suju...Korean flavored vodka. So yummy--mango flavor!

I just sang because I didn't have anyone to be attached to...

Kayla was eyeing this asian chick and Charlie now has a bitchy girlfriend thing.

So I sang and drank.

I sang Chumbawanba....I screamed the lyrics thinking about the great Cunt Hunt sing-along ...when Gloria and I threw get other on the ground...but we got up again

Everyone just going nuts. I think I bled at one point from all the floor falling.

I got football practice today!

I'm so happy for the idea of football...I hope I don't suck.

They keep telling me that I'm making myself sound great...

yikes

I just love the game.

I should keep this mouth shut.

I haven't shaved since I came to this college.

Lucas wants to shave that leg hair when he comes...

we're gross/funny.

He asks me not to shave or wear makeup or do anything of those sort.

Mm

Going to go to see Michel Gondry.. write a paper on his talk.

Hopefully go camping this weekend for D's birthday.

Stereolab 

Should I go home or see Wall of Voodoo's lead singer do a halloween show next weekend?

I can't seem to choose yet..gosh, I love Wall of Voodoo! Too bad it isn't Halloween 1980! 

Instead, I'll be seeing JUSICE & Crystal Castles for Halloween???? 

WTF, this isn't me...but it has to be. 

Damn my age.

Stop staring at the ground!

Last night sucked.

I thought friends of San Diego would come up to LA.

Not the case for $$$ problems.

So it goes a bit like this:

I take a nap.

Wake up and Beniah comes over with Mike's Hard Lemonade.

My little roommate drinks some with us.

We go to the store to get Jager.

I have a terrible gas bubble in my stomach from chugging Mike's

I can't get myself to drink anymore until the carbonation stops hurting.

As we go, I see that Beniah and roommate team up with each other with jokes against me.

I allow this for funny sakes.

We get to the room.

I lay in my top bunk bed...they join.

Until I realize their hands constantly touching. 

I hide under the blanket and attempt to call Lucas.

He gets pissy at me for not being with them/allowing my roommate to possibly like Beniah.

I tell him it is too late since they already started to lay on my other roommates bed.

He hangs up with me...and I feel very very alone.

I creep down...start to email Gloria.

My roommate had already blasted Sublime...but inbetween the song breaks..I hear the movements!

I can't turn around and very nervously run out the door.

I try to call Lucas again...he gives me too much shit for allowing it to happen.

I cry and hang up.

Well throw the phone at the wall.

Get myself back together and call Daniela.

She had to go.

Called Destiny...she was very very good to me.

I feel bad she still has it bad for Garrett. Can I say love sick?

After about an hour ..I call back Lucas and we talk until about 4am.

By this time, I bet they are done if anything happened.

I crept into the room and they are just standing there!

WTF 

She wants to smoke but is out of cigarettes.

She demands we walk to the store.

Beniah lays there pathetically on the floor.

Im not up for it but she is quite demanding.

So I get my phone from the bathroom...apparently

I took too long and she tries to close the door on me before I go into the bathroom.

My poor toe got hit and bleed everywhere.

They were too drunk to care and I was too swollen in the eyes to give any tears.

We got outside...Beniah puked in the bushes and she found a cigarette on the ground.

That walk would have been at least 40mins...thank god for her finding it.

I really need to go home.

This week isn't that bad but I need to escape. 

I'm here now because I WAS going to go to the design team training...

I said fuck it, I can't give up. I'm a fucking photographer. Design is bullshit compared.

I'm going to a gallery...write a response and get on the train home.

I don't understand this...I swear I've never felt this alone and not doing the things I like. 

WTF

on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on lonely lonely lonely lonely lone!

My blog was flagged for awhile.

I guess I should censor what I say??

Yesterday, I went for a cigarette with my little roommate.

We came back to find our other roommate and 3 other people watching a chess game.

I KNEW MY FLOOR WAS EXTREMELY NERDY!

I yelled with excitment and demanded a game with the guy teaching the girl how to play.

Got my board from my room, and started it up.

The girl said, " You know, he is last year's state champion in chess"

Oh well if he was.  I played fucking Kasparov who sliced me.

The game went along ... and I just laughed and laughed...I was winning throughout the whole game. As the game went, they talked about their coed football team...they needed another girl!

I rose my hand for the duty. Talked about my spiral and such such. 

So I beat the boy, became QB of their football rec team, and as I went back to the room to read/wait for my phone call from Lucas...I came outside to people saying, " I heard you're really great at chess..." I got high 5s!! So nerdy!

I'm making friends slowly. I don't care who they are as long as I have fun ... I did judge them the first week because they say shit like 'powned' all the time...but whatever, they seem like very good people. 

But..I miss dear friends of Seattle. Of course, I seemed to drop off the face of the earth, seems to be my main quality I do to people I really like.  I feel a bit stuck. The friends in San Diego have moved on. I really can't seem to imagine of trying this again. Friends. I don't even know how to have any if I did have any. My examples of Seattle/San Diego. 

I'm just in a really weird spot right now. I'm fine but it is weird to be anywhere right now. I just keep myself busy 

- Might work at House of Blues in Hollywood

- Might work for our newspaper

- might try to intern at Jack FM

- might just jump off a bridge

Area or Country Code 506

This week=

- Went to Amoeba to see Darker My Life...missed them by about 3 seconds. Got a poster signed by them to give to Lucas since he likes them. I told them all about him. They asked for my name...I like that feeling with handshakes.

- Went to get Thai food at Palms on Hollywood Blvd. The waiters and waitresses all had cordless bluetooth to their heads. Everything goes so fast there and they even had the Thai Elvis start performing. We had front row with the picnic bench seating. I got the worst poops ever from that food.

- My teacher for --pretty much the history of face photography-- is the most fucked up women ever. My friend Elaine and I were sooooo uncomfortable this last class. Hour & 1/2 of the worst things= photography of fists up assholes, morgues (she asked," would this be a portraiture if the person is dead?",naked teenagers tying each other up and pointing guns at their tied up partners while being erect, naked little girls (with history of the male photographer having sex with these 5-10year olds), an adult male sucking the tittie of his mother to show a 'modern' version of Madonna and Child, many, many penises, dildos, and S & M shiiiiiit. 

+ My teacher says all the words I never thought teachers would say= Pussy, Dildo, Fuck, ... is she demoralized? Would I be demoralized after this class?

- Went to see David Byrne at the Greek Theatre. Wasn't as good as the last 2 times I saw him while I was in high school. He did play some Talking Heads songs...but he didn't even play his great solo work. He played the new cd...and it is soooo uncreative. What happened David?! He had 3 interpretive dancers, 3 backup singers, and drummer/bassist/MAURO!/piano player....and it just kinda sucked. The dancers killed it for me.

- I rode for my 1st time in a Hummer! OMG ---too weird. After the David Byrne show, we were going to try to get into the Dandy Warhols show...we were just driving through LA in this junk of metal. I felt disgusting. 

- When I say we...it normally just means Beniah and I. 

- I got stuck on a road that didn't have a sidewalk at night. The path I was on started to curve but there was this bush that when all along the curve into the road! I was so fucking scared because the cars sped past me by just inches! They couldn't see me since I was in black and running around the curve....I was so close to my slamming painful death. Why I was walking there? Well, I'm not sure. I just felt like exploring off campus. 

- On Saturday, I went to the Cubs/Dodgers play off games. The Cubs were already losing the series at 2-0 with LA. Since April, my dad has talked about the Cubs  ONLY to me. They haven't won a World Series since 1908 and this was suppose to be their year. They were the best team in baseball all summer. They were the most loved....everything. My dad would have a good or bad day based on if the Cubs won or not. We even went to Arizona during Spring Break to see their training camp. Weird....but anyway, we went to the game together (he had his work buddy there, but I took his seat since I randomly decided to go to the game than see the LA Weekly festival with Gogol Bordello...I don't know...fuck Gogol)...............

......Anyway. We went to the game and it was way too Hollywood. Actors shown on the big screen instead of baseball (Vince Vaughan, Billy Crystal, Pierrce Bronston, the guy from Journey) ,  and showed movie trailers. The Dodger fans are so mean! So many fights, police, and beer. I watched a lot of people get arrested when I went to get a Churro. A lone Cub fan walked in front of me and cheered for the Cubs....everyone threw shit at him and called him terrible names. I felt proud of him though to show his love...unlike quiet me and my dad. Anyway, the Curse of the Billygoat is still true. The Cubs were so fucking spooked. I believe they are cursed. 

They lost and the Dodgers had their champagne party on the field.

My dad is heartbroken.

He said, " I think I will die before I see the Cubs get into the World Series"

Sad

- I went home with him to Encinitas. In the morning, I went to Daniela's house and she made breakfast. Soooo cute. Daniela, Karina, and I went to Rhino Art Store on 101 and as we went, we drove by Lou's Records ....PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS were about to perform! We got our materials and went to see the show. Rap shows are very funny....especially in Encinitas. All the high schoolers were out with their dreadlocks, skateboards, Big Gulp sodas, and Mary Jane. They busted out the pipe right there and passed it around to all their little buddies...cute. 

- My little roommates and I are just fine. Very nice girls. One just keeps getting better and better though! She sleeps in, smokes, drinks, and is a twin! 

- I went to the Daily Bruin newspaper open house...I really hope I get to be part of the newspaper= 1. They have numerous lenses I could use

2. Get trained by LA Times photographers, etc

3. AE editor and photo editor told me: 100% concert access when asked for passes.

4. 10,000 papers printed everyday

5. The photo editor seemed to like me...she asked for my name 

Lucas

- Lucas is coming to LA during Halloween. Airline tickets are only $79 right now! We're going to HARD haunted mansion party with all the ...music he likes. J.u.s.t.i.c.e, Crystal Castles, Simon Mobile Disco...I just really want him to like it here in LA. I want to show him a really good time. 

- Lucas is going to Mexico to volunteer...he flies into San Diego during December .... he gets to stay with me for 2 weeks after Mexico for FREE..well after he volunteers for a week. He is staying for Christmas/New Years... isn't that nuts?

- He changed his Facebook name to Jacklyn Canchola. 

I'm a bit weirded out by that...he did it this morning and I really don't know what to think about this. 

Adams Ave Street Fair

Oh boy... when you think it'll be a great night-it turns into any other preteen hell.

Scarlet Symphony didn't start until 5:15. I wanted to leave around 3.

Didn't happen. Kayla didn't get here until about 4:55 and Daniela/Karina/Chaz were eating sandwiches at Bubby's.

Chaz got us Vodka, while I got Hawaiian Punch and Red Bull. 

They mixed the drinks as I drove.

Got amazing parking and ran to the show. 

As we found the stage, my parents found me. 

I ran away yelling, already kinda drunk...

my pop in his fake Ray Ban sunglasses and my mom with her friends. 

Why the fuck are they at Scarlet Symphony! 

Anyway, we got to watch an entire 1 song. 

Danced, drank, and sang. 

Afterwards,  a mixture of my drunkness and love towards the band overtook me.

I was shy and my other friends just chatted away with them and their friends.

We went and brought another bottle for us 4 girls (Chaz, former pot/acid dealer, recently took his oath against all drugs). We watched some Rockabilly before Black Heart Procesion set up and I went and got a burrito to split with Kayla. By the time we got back, Karina was done. 

Kayla got a hold of her while they sat on the curb. Josh and Zach Wheeler (twins of Scarlet Symphony) came by with Daniel ( someone that Daniela seems to take a liking of) and we chatted. Zach and I talked. Josh and Kayla. Daniel and Daniela. Karina faced down/vomitting  a bit. The boys leave and I call Lucas so I walk off a bit. 

As I describe the scene to him, 2 cops come by.

Talking talking...and my drunk ass stays away.

All of a sudden, Karina is arrested and taken away from us.

Boo

Meaning= no Black Heart Procession for me

We left to the shittest ass part of downtown San Diego ever. Fucking cockroaches everywhere. 

We're told she can't leave the drunk tank until 1:30. It is just about 10pm. We're stuck , drunk, and pissed (me the most of course). 

Blah blah...continued to finish the bottle. Walked around whoreland San Diego, and ate a pizza slice. Got a call from Daniel around 12:30 to haaaaang. 

I wasn't interested but the rest were. He was with the twins of S.S and Kayla acted as through this was my way in with the band....FUCK THAT. She just wants to hook up with Josh again.

In the end ...I watch from the car Kayla making out with Josh and Daniel and Daniela being cuteish. (She announces her want for him in the car...I say SHHHHHH you have a boyfriend!)

Same with Kayla...right now she is at the airport picking up her boyfriend. WTF world

We picked up Karina.

 She didn't say thank you once!

The whole ride home...nothing.

If anything, she didn't even chip in to buy the vodka.

We have to wait around and nothing. She didn't even give me a hug goodnight

when we got home around 2:30am. 

Fuuuucked up. 

I couldn't really sleep. (Way too much Red Bull/Soda/Hawaiian Punch/Naked energy juice in the morning)

I talked to Lucas until 5am

I had a stomach ache all night.

I even had really bad dreams of his Xgirlfriend! Ahhh

Today I did nothing at all. Watched football and 'detoxed'

I'll start reading soon...only 10mins left of the Bears game. 

Art History and shit can wait. 

TODAY I ACCIDENTLY HAD BEEF!

My mom had leftovers. I tried a bite and didn't like it.

My momma was fixing the lightbulbs so it was dark...

she ran in and said not to eat the leftovers. 

Yuck

Train escapes

I took the train home again

I'll be home until Tuesday morning.

This is too easy to escape from collegeland.

I went to my 1st Los Angeles show alone

Saw Mission of Burma (!!) with Hank IV

How many Hanks are there?

Hank IV was waayyy amazing. I laughed, danced, and didn't feel alone at all.

Everyone at Echoplex was older...but fuck it, most LA shows are 18+

Good. But in Feb, they better change that! 

Took 90mins to get to downtown LA from Westwood (UCLA)

WTF

Around midnight, the bus just stopped on Sunset BLVD in front of Whiskey a GoGo!

I started walking and crying and everything

I was stuck 

Walked for an hour or so

I got to Belvery Hills and just gave up.

A taxi came (fucking lucky)

..but then the taxi driver kept wanting to kiss me.

WTF

Got out at an In-N-Out

got a grilled cheese and the guy behind me liked my red jacket.

We talked, he went to UCLA, blah blah

Until he wouldn't leave me alone.

It is almost 2am and I got class soonish 

He doesn't leave me and follows me to my dorm.

Not fair.

I tell him to leave but he just tries to hold me/hold my hand.

Fucking bullshit.

Went to class-- made some friends in my 1st class. Really funny girl named Jenna

We sat in the back of a classroom of about 130. We didn't even get a syllabus because the the teacher only made 120. WTF...but we didn't care. We laughed in the waaaaaay back.

In the other class, I had all the transfer art student friends in my class. Art 100 ..all about photography!!

The class is amazing. The teacher...a fucking pro. Like pro at knowing her shit.

I have too many friends in the class though...I like it.

Got my computer...took the express bus to downtown. Took the underground subway to the train station.

I DIDNT KNOW LA HAD A SUBWAY!

Now I'm home.

Naked from a shower.

With Scarlet Symphony playing very soon at the Adams Ave Street Fair!!!

Time to drink up